Seven?!?

So, a little thing happened...

We had 1 month - ONE - of no CPS workers, no agency workers, no CASA workers, no visits, no documentation, no crazy hoops to jump through, no last minute hurdles, no court dates...ONE month of blissful normalcy.

Then it happened...we got a frantic call, but it wasn't just any call. We had told our agency we were taking a break, so it wasn't from them.

The twins birth mom called. She had a little 2 month old baby boy she feared would be removed by CPS and asked me to come to court the very next morning.

I did, and little "KoKo" was placed into CPS custody. There's so much more to the story, but in the end, by that evening, little man (half-brother to our twins) was with us.

Once again the barrage of people and papers came flooding thru the door along with this newest little bundle of love.

That was 7 months ago and it feels as if he's always been here. He has to be the sweetest, happiest, healthiest baby I've ever had the privilege of caring for. Everyone who meets him falls in love with this little guy.

I don't know what the future holds for us, for him, for his birth parents, but God does. 

...And Then There Were 6

I've written a lot over the past year, but emotions were high and after settling down and doing more thinking and praying, I felt it best to keep some of the details to myself so many posts have gone unpublished.

If you've kept up with any part of this blog or read the last post, long story short, the twins are ours - forever. The other little boy we had been fostering went back home right before Christmas. It's been a year and a half since he left. We often wonder how he is doing...we hope he is well, but it's hard not knowing...

We went thru an agonizing week long jury trial in which I had to testify. We learned that things were much worse than we had imagined, but in the end of it all, the jury chose to terminate parental rights and grant us the privilege of adopting these precious boys.

The adoption has been finalized for about 8 months now. The boys are ours to cherish and love and protect - forever. We don't take this responsibility and what happened lightly, we pray often for their birthparents, and we pray these boys will grow to love Jesus with all their hearts.

6 Little Words

(I actually wrote this back in January 2018, but never published it...I figured it was time...more to come.)

This past Wednesday was supposed to be the last visit our foster boys would have with their biological parents before mediation and the jury trial to terminate rights in order for us to adopt. I don't know what the future holds, but I wanted to make this visit special for the parents.

The twins and I had been working on a craft for the past 2 weeks. I was a little bummed because my final pieces needed to complete the project had not arrived yet. Flooding up north delayed my package indefinitely. My daughter graciously let me have a few of her Lego pieces and miniature glass figurines to sub for the missing craft items. The final touches were put on the special crafts that morning and they were wrapped up and ready for the visits that afternoon.

I didn't have any expectations going into the visits. I just wanted to encourage the twins mom to be truthful in the upcoming mediation and jury trial. Her boys futures depended on it.

Before I could even get the words out of my mouth, mom boldly and matter-of-factly said, I have something I need to tell you. "I want you to adopt them." 

6 little words.....Tears started streaming down my face. I could find no words to say at that moment. Just tears of relief and shock and happiness and joy. She went on to tell me a few of her reasons why. In that moment, she spoke with such courage and strength and wisdom that I had never seen from her before. She was putting her boys first and thinking of them and their futures above her own. It was then that I realized how extremely difficult all of this must have been for her. I honestly had no idea what to do next. All I could do was cry, give her a hug, tell her she would always be the boys biological mother, and that I would always encourage her to have a relationship with her boys and that I would always keep her in tune with what was happening in their lives.

We both knew this was only half the battle and the boys Dad would likely never agree to this and that there was still a long road ahead with the upcoming mediation and jury trial. Mom wanted to protect her boys tho and that was enough at the moment to overshadow the unknowns of Dad.

I got into my van and started off. Part way down the road I had to pull over. I was crying so hard! It all hit me. Mom had just made one of the hardest and most sacrificial decisions she had probably ever made in her life. My heart just broke for her! I had always wanted her to get better and had always wanted her to succeed, but now more that ever! She still had the chance to get better, to make something of her life, and to stay connected with her boys all while knowing they were safe and loved and cared for. Should the adoption take place, what a beautiful story of love and sacrifice her boys will hear one day 💕

They are my sons...even if just for a moment

They are my sons...even if just for a moment...

Oh how I wish these moments could last forever! From the second these little bundles of love were brought to our home, they were my sons.

I loved them from the moment I saw them. They were so helpless, in such a state of neediness. Every waking moment was spent with my husband and kids and I doing round the clock rockings and feedings...even if just an ounce at a time stayed down or it all came up and we had to start all over again. 

So many sleepless nights, so many doctor appointments trying to figure out digestive issues, bowel issues, formula swaps, and endless amounts of diapers changes. Oh my! The diaper changes...I feel as if I have changed enough to last a lifetime - or more. 

And somehow, somewhere along the way, little personalities started to bloom. What were screaming little balls of hurt and frustration and blank stares turned into little baby boys who cooed and smiled and babbled and took in their surroundings and studied these strangers loving them.

We were there for the first smiles, first laughs, first crawls, first words, first steps, first hugs and kisses...Oh, the hugs and kisses are the best!

Yes, these are my sons. I love them just as much and no different than the precious son and daughter I gave birth to. 

...but there is One who loves them more.

I don't know what the future holds for any of these children, but God does. Some will stay and some will leave...I don't want any of them to ever leave, but God holds their futures.

They were His children first and He loves them so much more than I ever could.  So when the fear and the worry of the unknown begins to creep in, I must trust in God because they were His sons before they were ever mine.

God knows...and that's enough...

For foster parents, some days are hard. Some days it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Some days you can't get the thoughts or the worry or the uncertainty out of your mind. 

What then of these children and youth? How unbearable is all of this for them? How do their little (or big) minds comprehend what is going on? How do they cope with all the uncertainty or instability? This isn't something they can opt out of or say no to. This is their life. They didn't choose this. 

The least we can do as Christians and adults is come along side them and let them know they aren't alone and that they are loved. Surely the reality of some of these children never knowing love or what family truly means outweighs our comfort and our desires and the fear we may have of having to let them go...surely... 

So, I sit here listening to this song, watching 2 sweet little boys laugh and play and splash around in the bathtub, and I cry because I have no idea what their future holds...but God does...and that is enough to get me through the hard days...

New Appreciation...

Sometimes, I think I can watch these little guys sleep all night long.

I've been down this road before...rocking babies and chasing toddlers. My bio kids are 13 and 14, yet starting over with these boys, it all feels new. 

Fostering has given me a deeper appreciation of my job as a mom and the little lives entrusted to us.

Getting up for what seems like the 50th time in the night somehow isn't as horrible as I remember it being because my eyes have been opened. I know there are children whose cries in the night go unanswered, children who are sick or scared with no one to comfort them, children whose parents are too strung out or hung over to even care. 

But not these boys...not tonight.

Tonight, these boys are safe and warm and loved.

Can My Heart Handle This?

About a month after the twins went back home, we decided to do a little respite care again. After all, the twins had been with us for almost a year and even tho things were settling into a new normal, my heart still hurt. I needed to know if I could handle this again. 

A family requested respite for their foster son. A little thing called Hurricane Harvey had turned their lives upside down and they needed a break. In comes 2 year old G-man with loads of energy to spare. 

Ready or not, here he comes!

The first week that G-man was with us, we took down and stored away one of the baby beds. We boxed up all the toys and other items that were too baby-ish for him. The last little remnants of the twins were being neatly packed away. G-man kept us busy and the week ticked by.

At the end of that week, we were asked if we would make his stay with us permanent and become his new foster parents. His other foster family was still dealing with the aftermath of Harvey and would be for sometime to come and this mischevous little guy was a lot to handle right now. 

We said yes, and just like that, we had jumped back into the rollercoaster of foster care.

His former foster family sent over tons of things with him when he was moved to our home. All of his clothes now hung in the closet or were neatly packed into his cubbies. All of his toys were now scattered about the living room and his bedroom floor. A new forward facing carseat was now taking up a spot in our van 

.........and life ticked on.

It had been a while since we had gone anywhere or done anything outside of our normal routine, so we made plans to go camping at a Jellystone park. There was lots to do for both big and little kids so it was a good mix for everyone.

About 2 weeks after G-man was officially placed with us, we were off for our trip. We were looking forward to getting away and really taking our minds off of everything that had happened over the past few months, relaxing, and having a little fun.

Then, about 1 hour into our drive, the unthinkable happened....

The End of 'The First'

To be sure, foster care is a CRAZY roller coaster of emotions. 

It feels like yesterday that the boys were placed with us, and just like that, 10 months later, they are gone. Did we give good enough goodbyes? Did we say 'I love you' one last time? Did we remember to send everything? Do they know how much they are loved? Do they wonder where we are? Do they wonder what is happening? Are they scared? There's a storm brewing...do they need comforting from all the noise? Do they miss us? Do they need extra hugs and cuddles today? What is going through their little minds? 

I really can't adequately describe how I am feeling. I cry...a lot...at any given moment in time. My big kids don't even think my bursts of crazy crying are even weird anymore. It's normal to them now. My heart hurts. I look around my house and still see them everywhere. 

All the alphabet refrigerator magnets have been put back on the fridge when just the day before 2 mischievous little boys had knocked them all off because it was more fun to slide them all over the kitchen floor instead. The toys that we kept behind that were scattered all over the house are now neatly stacked in their baskets. That favorite monkey toy they adored (that we bought an extra of so they could take one home) now sits silent on a box in the corner of the room. Excersaucers they no longer wanted to be in since they learned to walk sit motionless stored away in their room. Their room...those empty baby beds filled with memories of sleepy happy baby faces that greeted us every morning. High chair trays still sitting on the kitchen table needing to be cleaned from the shenanigans that went on the day before at dinner time. And my heart...my empty yet full hurting heart...

So, here I sit...in a silent house, with a near empty box of tissues, in front of a tear drenched keyboard, trying desperately to believe that 'it is well with my soul'. 

How Can You Help?

We've already discussed babysitting and respite care, but what are some other ways you can help with the foster care crisis WITHOUT becoming a foster parent?

MEALS - Do you know a foster family or is there an agency in your area you can contact to bring a meal? I cannot tell you what a blessing meals were to our family! I had NO idea just how crazy our lives would be after 2 month old twins were placed with us. When offers from friends to bring over meals started coming in, I was more than happy to accept...and let me tell you, this is one of the BIGGEST ways you can bless a foster family.

DONATE - Ask the foster family if they need anything. Perhaps you have something you aren't using around your home that the foster family can have or borrow. A friend gave us a baby bed she had in storage. Another gave us a baby rocker and others gave us clothing or diapers. My children are older so I had forgotten just how fast infants outgrow their clothing. We were so blessed when my husband's co-worker donated TONS of clothing. These twins are set for like the next year on shoes and clothing!

OFFER to HELP - Call up a foster family and see if they need anything from the store. As a foster parent, there are lots of rules and you pretty much have to take your foster children everywhere with you. Gone are the days of asking an older sibling to babysit for a few minutes while you run to the store and it's just not feasible to call up an approved babysitter every time you need to run a quick errand. Offer to take their older children to/from their activities. Offer to keep an eye on their kids during the church service, rock a fussy baby, or entertain a bouncy little one. We were blessed when friends offered to give our kids rides to school in the morning so I didn't have to get out so early with the twins. We even had families offer to chaperone our kids on school field trips because we were unable to attend. That was HUGE blessing and our kids didn't have to miss out on the fun with their friends.

CASA - Maybe you don't have time to open your home to foster children, but perhaps you have a little time to become a CASA volunteer. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate. They speak on behalf of children in foster care and represent the child's best interests. Our CASA volunteer has been a lifesaver for our sweet twins.

ENCOURAGE - It's easy for foster families to grow tired and weary. A simple text, phone call, or letter can help brighten their day and let them know that you are thinking about them or praying for them. Swing by their house to say hello and hug their neck.


Knowing they have not been forgotten makes all the difference.

While We're Waiting...

The road to becoming a foster family isn't an overnight thing. It takes time...lots of time and patience. Sometimes there are snags and bumps in the road which make the process to finish even that much longer.

So, while we were waiting for everything to be finalized, we signed up to babysit and for respite care.

 Babysitting a foster child(ren) is a short term thing you can do for a foster family. It usually entails just a few hours with NO overnight care so a foster mom can run a few errands while kid-free or a dad can spend time with an older child without chasing a little one around. It very much like regular babysitting.

Respite care is more involved. It can be a few days to a few weeks and usually includes overnight stays. It's an opportunity to give a foster family a longer break or take care of their foster children if they are not able to bring them along. We had the pleasure of helping a foster family out with their precious little one for 3 weeks while they visited their grown children in China. After T-baby went home, we had the pleasure of doing respite care for just a few days for another sweet little one whose family was recovering from a sickness they did not want T-man to get.

 Respite care is an awesome way to 'get your feet' wet in regards to foster care. You don't have the full-blown responsibilities yet, but you have enough to get a taste of what fostering is all about. For many, it can be a springboard into full time foster care.

Perhaps you haven't been called to full-blown foster care, but maybe, just maybe, you have been called to babysit or to do respite care. There is certainly a need for these things and doing this for a foster family would be such a blessing.