Seven?!?

So, a little thing happened...

We had 1 month - ONE - of no CPS workers, no agency workers, no CASA workers, no visits, no documentation, no crazy hoops to jump through, no last minute hurdles, no court dates...ONE month of blissful normalcy.

Then it happened...we got a frantic call, but it wasn't just any call. We had told our agency we were taking a break, so it wasn't from them.

The twins birth mom called. She had a little 2 month old baby boy she feared would be removed by CPS and asked me to come to court the very next morning.

I did, and little "KoKo" was placed into CPS custody. There's so much more to the story, but in the end, by that evening, little man (half-brother to our twins) was with us.

Once again the barrage of people and papers came flooding thru the door along with this newest little bundle of love.

That was 7 months ago and it feels as if he's always been here. He has to be the sweetest, happiest, healthiest baby I've ever had the privilege of caring for. Everyone who meets him falls in love with this little guy.

I don't know what the future holds for us, for him, for his birth parents, but God does. 

...And Then There Were 6

I've written a lot over the past year, but emotions were high and after settling down and doing more thinking and praying, I felt it best to keep some of the details to myself so many posts have gone unpublished.

If you've kept up with any part of this blog or read the last post, long story short, the twins are ours - forever. The other little boy we had been fostering went back home right before Christmas. It's been a year and a half since he left. We often wonder how he is doing...we hope he is well, but it's hard not knowing...

We went thru an agonizing week long jury trial in which I had to testify. We learned that things were much worse than we had imagined, but in the end of it all, the jury chose to terminate parental rights and grant us the privilege of adopting these precious boys.

The adoption has been finalized for about 8 months now. The boys are ours to cherish and love and protect - forever. We don't take this responsibility and what happened lightly, we pray often for their birthparents, and we pray these boys will grow to love Jesus with all their hearts.

6 Little Words

(I actually wrote this back in January 2018, but never published it...I figured it was time...more to come.)

This past Wednesday was supposed to be the last visit our foster boys would have with their biological parents before mediation and the jury trial to terminate rights in order for us to adopt. I don't know what the future holds, but I wanted to make this visit special for the parents.

The twins and I had been working on a craft for the past 2 weeks. I was a little bummed because my final pieces needed to complete the project had not arrived yet. Flooding up north delayed my package indefinitely. My daughter graciously let me have a few of her Lego pieces and miniature glass figurines to sub for the missing craft items. The final touches were put on the special crafts that morning and they were wrapped up and ready for the visits that afternoon.

I didn't have any expectations going into the visits. I just wanted to encourage the twins mom to be truthful in the upcoming mediation and jury trial. Her boys futures depended on it.

Before I could even get the words out of my mouth, mom boldly and matter-of-factly said, I have something I need to tell you. "I want you to adopt them." 

6 little words.....Tears started streaming down my face. I could find no words to say at that moment. Just tears of relief and shock and happiness and joy. She went on to tell me a few of her reasons why. In that moment, she spoke with such courage and strength and wisdom that I had never seen from her before. She was putting her boys first and thinking of them and their futures above her own. It was then that I realized how extremely difficult all of this must have been for her. I honestly had no idea what to do next. All I could do was cry, give her a hug, tell her she would always be the boys biological mother, and that I would always encourage her to have a relationship with her boys and that I would always keep her in tune with what was happening in their lives.

We both knew this was only half the battle and the boys Dad would likely never agree to this and that there was still a long road ahead with the upcoming mediation and jury trial. Mom wanted to protect her boys tho and that was enough at the moment to overshadow the unknowns of Dad.

I got into my van and started off. Part way down the road I had to pull over. I was crying so hard! It all hit me. Mom had just made one of the hardest and most sacrificial decisions she had probably ever made in her life. My heart just broke for her! I had always wanted her to get better and had always wanted her to succeed, but now more that ever! She still had the chance to get better, to make something of her life, and to stay connected with her boys all while knowing they were safe and loved and cared for. Should the adoption take place, what a beautiful story of love and sacrifice her boys will hear one day 💕

They are my sons...even if just for a moment

They are my sons...even if just for a moment...

Oh how I wish these moments could last forever! From the second these little bundles of love were brought to our home, they were my sons.

I loved them from the moment I saw them. They were so helpless, in such a state of neediness. Every waking moment was spent with my husband and kids and I doing round the clock rockings and feedings...even if just an ounce at a time stayed down or it all came up and we had to start all over again. 

So many sleepless nights, so many doctor appointments trying to figure out digestive issues, bowel issues, formula swaps, and endless amounts of diapers changes. Oh my! The diaper changes...I feel as if I have changed enough to last a lifetime - or more. 

And somehow, somewhere along the way, little personalities started to bloom. What were screaming little balls of hurt and frustration and blank stares turned into little baby boys who cooed and smiled and babbled and took in their surroundings and studied these strangers loving them.

We were there for the first smiles, first laughs, first crawls, first words, first steps, first hugs and kisses...Oh, the hugs and kisses are the best!

Yes, these are my sons. I love them just as much and no different than the precious son and daughter I gave birth to. 

...but there is One who loves them more.

I don't know what the future holds for any of these children, but God does. Some will stay and some will leave...I don't want any of them to ever leave, but God holds their futures.

They were His children first and He loves them so much more than I ever could.  So when the fear and the worry of the unknown begins to creep in, I must trust in God because they were His sons before they were ever mine.

God knows...and that's enough...

For foster parents, some days are hard. Some days it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Some days you can't get the thoughts or the worry or the uncertainty out of your mind. 

What then of these children and youth? How unbearable is all of this for them? How do their little (or big) minds comprehend what is going on? How do they cope with all the uncertainty or instability? This isn't something they can opt out of or say no to. This is their life. They didn't choose this. 

The least we can do as Christians and adults is come along side them and let them know they aren't alone and that they are loved. Surely the reality of some of these children never knowing love or what family truly means outweighs our comfort and our desires and the fear we may have of having to let them go...surely... 

So, I sit here listening to this song, watching 2 sweet little boys laugh and play and splash around in the bathtub, and I cry because I have no idea what their future holds...but God does...and that is enough to get me through the hard days...

New Appreciation...

Sometimes, I think I can watch these little guys sleep all night long.

I've been down this road before...rocking babies and chasing toddlers. My bio kids are 13 and 14, yet starting over with these boys, it all feels new. 

Fostering has given me a deeper appreciation of my job as a mom and the little lives entrusted to us.

Getting up for what seems like the 50th time in the night somehow isn't as horrible as I remember it being because my eyes have been opened. I know there are children whose cries in the night go unanswered, children who are sick or scared with no one to comfort them, children whose parents are too strung out or hung over to even care. 

But not these boys...not tonight.

Tonight, these boys are safe and warm and loved.

The Unthinkable...

It's been a while since I've written (even if I'm ever the only one to read it). Life was just too chaotic to try to concentrate on putting my thoughts down. I also want to be careful not to overshare. It's not just MY life, but OUR life and I want to be careful to protect THEIR privacy.

So....we were on our way to go camping when the unthinkable happens...

The boys, our precious twins, we coming back into care and would we be willing to have them placed back with us. Um! Hello? You didn't even have to ask...when and where; we will be there!

It had only been about a month and a half, but it felt like and eternity to me. So many emotions! Happiness that I would get to hold them again, but sadness over the events that brought them back.

It has been a rollercoaster ever since with 3 little ones and 2 teens in the house, but we have loved every second of it...well, almost...I was NOT fond of Poopageddon, but that's another story for another time...maybe ;)