They are my sons...even if just for a moment

They are my sons...even if just for a moment...

Oh how I wish these moments could last forever! From the second these little bundles of love were brought to our home, they were my sons.

I loved them from the moment I saw them. They were so helpless, in such a state of neediness. Every waking moment was spent with my husband and kids and I doing round the clock rockings and feedings...even if just an ounce at a time stayed down or it all came up and we had to start all over again. 

So many sleepless nights, so many doctor appointments trying to figure out digestive issues, bowel issues, formula swaps, and endless amounts of diapers changes. Oh my! The diaper changes...I feel as if I have changed enough to last a lifetime - or more. 

And somehow, somewhere along the way, little personalities started to bloom. What were screaming little balls of hurt and frustration and blank stares turned into little baby boys who cooed and smiled and babbled and took in their surroundings and studied these strangers loving them.

We were there for the first smiles, first laughs, first crawls, first words, first steps, first hugs and kisses...Oh, the hugs and kisses are the best!

Yes, these are my sons. I love them just as much and no different than the precious son and daughter I gave birth to. 

...but there is One who loves them more.

I don't know what the future holds for any of these children, but God does. Some will stay and some will leave...I don't want any of them to ever leave, but God holds their futures.

They were His children first and He loves them so much more than I ever could.  So when the fear and the worry of the unknown begins to creep in, I must trust in God because they were His sons before they were ever mine.

God knows...and that's enough...

For foster parents, some days are hard. Some days it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Some days you can't get the thoughts or the worry or the uncertainty out of your mind. 

What then of these children and youth? How unbearable is all of this for them? How do their little (or big) minds comprehend what is going on? How do they cope with all the uncertainty or instability? This isn't something they can opt out of or say no to. This is their life. They didn't choose this. 

The least we can do as Christians and adults is come along side them and let them know they aren't alone and that they are loved. Surely the reality of some of these children never knowing love or what family truly means outweighs our comfort and our desires and the fear we may have of having to let them go...surely... 

So, I sit here listening to this song, watching 2 sweet little boys laugh and play and splash around in the bathtub, and I cry because I have no idea what their future holds...but God does...and that is enough to get me through the hard days...

New Appreciation...

Sometimes, I think I can watch these little guys sleep all night long.

I've been down this road before...rocking babies and chasing toddlers. My bio kids are 13 and 14, yet starting over with these boys, it all feels new. 

Fostering has given me a deeper appreciation of my job as a mom and the little lives entrusted to us.

Getting up for what seems like the 50th time in the night somehow isn't as horrible as I remember it being because my eyes have been opened. I know there are children whose cries in the night go unanswered, children who are sick or scared with no one to comfort them, children whose parents are too strung out or hung over to even care. 

But not these boys...not tonight.

Tonight, these boys are safe and warm and loved.